Casually strolling through the supermarket while pushing an empty shopping cart, Ivan looked through the fruits aisle. It was mid-day, sunlight shining into the store through tall and wide windows. The supermarket was oddly empty, but this didn't alert him. While shopping for fruits, he felt comfortable and at peace. His eyes scanning the many fruits on display, he picked up strawberries, plums... peaches.
Peaches or plums, Ivan felt a slight preference for peaches over plums. Both soft and round in shape... a peach was a little sweeter. From behind, he felt a hand move through his hair. In both real life and a dream, a small noise came from him. The noise was similar to a sigh, an almost breath of relief as he unknowingly welcomed his hand before turning away from his hand in real life. He was a light sleeper, and sometimes had trouble differentiating life from a dream in these half-awake, half-sleeping states.
"Why are you wet?" said Keith in his dream. Ivan looked down at his bare body, droplets of water on his skin. "It was raining," Ivan replied before redirecting his attention to the peaches. He didn't know why he said it was raining when he didn't remember any rain earlier as it was sunny out. Ivan was the only one naked in this dream. However, he didn't seem to be overly alarmed about his current nakedness— uncharacteristically, he was calm and thought nothing of it.
Ivan picked up a few more peaches, inspecting them before putting them in his basket. As he moved on to the bananas, felt Keith put a bath towel around him. Securing it tightly around his bare body to cover him up before Keith brought his arms around him. Then the two began to have what seemed to be an engaging conversation in another language— gibberish.
His eyes began to open, hearing a rattling noise in the distance. Ivan was sleeping on the couch, and that was a dream— What the fuck even was that. Ivan laid still for a few seconds taking his dream before bringing the blanket further over his head to cover his face. It wasn't the first time Ivan had a weird dream with Keith in it.
A few months back he had a domestic dream where they were married and Keith was pregnant. After these weird dreams, he would always research the meaning of them for fun. When researching he came to the conclusion that the pregnancy dream just meant he was going to make some type of stupid decision or that he wanted a kid or at least that type of lifestyle with Keith.
Ivan rolled over on his back and picked up his phone to find out if that dream had any funny meanings. He researched a few key terms from his dream— supermarket, naked, fruits, water, towel. The internet told him that being in a supermarket had something to do with stability and money. For a second, he thought... maybe this dream had no real meaning to it. In a dream being comfortable with knowing that you are naked had to do with self-confidence.
After searching even further, he came to the realization that according to the internet it just was a weird version of some type of sex dream. Strawberries, peaches, plums, bananas. Repressed sexual urges, lust, virginity, good luck, openness. He realized that he should stop researching what his dreams meant online because all he was getting was a lot of weird shit basically telling him he wants to have sexual relations with his best friend. He sat up, looking over the couch and into the kitchen. With a blank expression, he told his friend, "I'm gonna go take a piss or something."
With limited conversation, he made his way towards the bathroom— uncomfortable with his dream, and the things they talked about late last night. As he used the bathroom —taking a piss, washing his hands, fixing his hair, and brushing his teeth— he thought over last night. Ivan hated the idea of toxic masculinity, but the thought of opening up like that and talking about his gay emotions made him feel somewhat emasculated
Keith always left him feeling soft, weak, and all over the place. The way he would speak, the way his clothes fit him— looking at him. The best way Ivan could explain how he felt around the man was sweet, fruity, just really gay. He felt so good around Keith, but also so much less of a man. Keith sometimes did and enjoyed small things that Ivan would consider to be typically feminine— but Keith wasn't femme enough to be obviously gay (especially since he went their whole friendship without even considering the possibility).
Ivan's shame in his attraction was most likely due to the fact that a straight guy couldn't look at Keith the same way he does and laugh it off like, "ass is ass." Ivan's attraction to Keith had zero orientation to his attraction to women and looking at him made him wonder how he could even be attracted to a girl. Long story short, Ivan's insecure in his sexuality because he's attracted to both Keith's masculine and feminine traits.
Fixing his hair in the mirror, he thought of last night and the 'Keith enjoys physical touch thing'. Ivan was careful with how much physical contact they made with each other during their friendship. Ivan would never hug him, never bring an arm around him, nothing. They were friendly gestures, but Ivan never allowed them to happen— if Keith ever initiated anything, he would quickly push it off.
It would make sense for him to think that he isn't into physical touch. However, he was far from how he came off to be— he just refused to ever allow any contact between them because he was attracted to him and they were strictly friends. With everything that happened in the last two days, the current meaning of their relationship was unknown. However, with what they talked about last night, he figured a few hugs and flirty touches here and there would be fine.
Catching himself fixing his hair up in the mirror for a little too long, he groaned. Placing his hands on top of his head, he said quietly to himself, "You're doing all this shit because- it's too early in the morning for this." He realized that the only reason he was so concerned with his appearance was that Keith was around, and he knew that he was at least somewhat into him. It was embarrassing to watch himself falling so hard for someone like this.
Leaving the bathroom, he cut through the living room, " Are you making breakfast?" He crossed his arms as he entered the kitchen, trying to see if he could get into what Keith was doing for another free meal, "Dude I wish I knew how to cook." Discussing his dream with Keith was not even a question— some things are better kept to yourself.
However, he remembered last night and how he said he would be more open with his feelings towards him... so that's something they could eventually talk over. It's hard for him to put himself out there, and it's even harder for him to be forward with his attraction towards a guy like Keith— but at the end of the day, he still liked him and wanted to at least try since he was given a chance.